Fear and Loathing in New Jersey

Note: My post was previously published as a guest column in the Star-Ledger and NJ.com.

Cape May New Jersey is an idyllic seaside town. Its streets are lined with 19^th Century Victorian structures where bumper stickers proclaim, “Exit 0.” It is a special place with beautiful beaches, boating, fishing, great restaurants and bars, live music, the list goes on and on. You can kick back and watch the world go by for a day or a whole summer. But even in this tucked-away oasis, the fear and loathing that has the country in its grip has reared its ugly head.

On a recent summer day, that charm and quaint character turned ugly, reminding us yet again of the widening divide that exists among Americans. A couple, who are long-time visitors to Cape May, stopped at the outdoor bar at Elaine’s for refreshment. Located in the center of town, Elaine’s is something of a Cape May institution with its long-running dinner theater, lodging, and indoor and outdoor bars.

One thing led to another – a series of events documented by David Todd McCarthy in The Standard – with the husband of Elaine’s owner shouting “get the fu-k out of here” at the couple, who were accompanied by their 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend. All because the husband mentioned he was going to vote for Joe Biden.

It didn’t stop there. The couple was again accosted by the owner’s husband in a threatening way as they left. McCarthy reports in his account that the man went “ballistic,” the F-bombs flying fast and furious. He followed the couple to the parking lot and continued to speak threateningly to them as they retreated. They got in their car and left.

In a civilized society there is no place for this type of behavior, for which the owner’s husband later apologized. Yet, the most troubling aspect of the incident isn’t his behavior. It is the outpouring of support he received from patrons at the bar and, later, online, who found it perfectly appropriate to scream profanities at someone because of their political leanings.

Where did all the intolerance and rage that has spread from “sea to shining sea,” including Cape May, come from? It’s tempting to blame Donald Trump, but he didn’t create the social ills that plague us. He has tapped into it and gone out of his way to stoke it. But in a larger sense, Mr. Trump unwittingly serves as a social mirror that reflects an ugly side of our collective soul; it is a reflection of what we can become, if we fail to listen to our better angels.

Surely the pandemic has also played a role, restricting our activities and interactions with each other and contributing to our collective angst. We will, in due course, develop therapeutics for the treatment of COVID-19 and vaccines to prevent it. But the social cancer that afflicts us is another matter. All of the high-minded slogans we learned in school, “United we stand, divided we fall,” “E pluribus Unum,” and such, are just that, slogans, if we don’t respect each other’s different points of view, regardless of whether we agree with them.

We need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable. Otherwise, where does all the intolerance and rage go in five months or in four years when there is a new administration and, hopefully, the viral dust has settled? Maybe it just goes underground for a while, festering and rearing its ugly head when the timing and politics are right.

In these dark times, we need each other more than ever. How is it that so many of us seem to be missing this basic truth in the face of a pandemic that has killed thousands of us, a failing economy that may take decades to repair, and an ongoing assault on Black Americans by some in law enforcement?

There are no easy answers to the social ills that plague us, no therapeutic or vaccine that can provide a treatment or cure. Even in this tucked-away oasis in Cape May, there is fear and loathing as we struggle for an answer.